Memo to all Nigerian "Big Babes''

Hilarious! Blog reader Paul sent this in. Enjoy..

Dear “Naija Big Babe”, 

Your awkward, questionable and morally repugnant ways never cease to amaze me, so I decided to pen down a few things about you in a “musical note” to help the decision making of intending “Naija big babes” 

You dated and dumped your “husband” as a boyfriend and later chased after shadows of bad sharp players hoping to trap one and make him yours, forgetting those days when all husband materials that approached you were tagged; jerks broke ass or small boy. 

When it was all firm and beautiful, you ran after married men whose favorite song was Psquare’s “Chop my money” with your tiny hot legs despite knowing just like Iyanya all they wanted was “your waist”. They requested you “Go down low” like Olamide   and “Limpopo” like Kcee before you “Test-the-money” like Psquare and have bragging right like Chidinma to say “Emi ni baller”….sadly enough, you sure danced to their tune without your mind singing  Banky’s ” Yes/No”  because of your gluttony and greed.  

Just like Wande Coal wanted, you went on “Private trips” and you unarguably came back as Wizkid’s “Caro”. Hmmm….! You woke up on a fateful day, looked at the mirror and saw a different you as all that was firm and tempting are getting loose, the dark and lovelies are getting gray, and you could not help but sing Asa’s “Questions” to yourself. 

All in a quest to be branded as a “Naija big babe” with all the trendy stuffs other girls long for, you have finally landed yourself into Baba Fela’s “Double wahala” as you wasted the vital days of your youthful years in obsessively acquiring Brazilian hairs, swatch, louboutin and Gucci designers. 

Now, menopause is fast knocking at your door and you have no place to run to as your rich men and sugar daddies are unwilling to pay the price of owning that which they can simply rent, and those dudes you tagged small boys ain’t cut out for Aunty second hand as well. 

Hmmm….now you sing D banj’s “Why me” daily and blame all the grannies in your village for your being single and falling out of demand. Naaahhh….spare me all of those Olamide’s “Story for the god’s” as you are only reaping from what you sowed.

Oh well, to intending “Naija big babes” think of “The future” like T.Y Bello and remember just like Solid star, you are “One in a million” and an ever green 2 Baba’s  “African queen” who gets all she deserves in his “True love”  and not in Olamide’s “Badoo love” which leads to regrets and agony. A word they say is enough for the wise.

Yours ever truthful,
Paul Olarewaju